Beverly Hills Ninja
1997  PG-13  COMEDY  1h 28min
CAST— Chris Farley, Nicollette Sheridan, Nathaniel Parker, Chris Rock, Robin Shou
MUSIC— George S. Clinton  DIRECTOR— Dennis Dugan

     There is a legend of a foreign child— a white child— who shall come to Japan, learn the art of ninjitsu, and become the greatest ninja of all time. Could it be Haru, a mysterious (but rather… uh, large) young white man rose from infancy believing that he was “The Chosen One”? Some say: “It is so”. As you may have noted, Haru is a large man, but the main problem is not his size; his ninja skills need some polishing. A lot of polishing, in fact. He may be “The Great White Ninja” of legend, the greatest ninja of all time, but the legend failed to mention just what he would be great at. The basic plot of the film is that Haru (disguised as a pimp) needs to foil a counterfeiting plot in (how’d you guess?) the “Hills of Beverly”, all the while falling in love with the villain’s girlfriend. It’s simple silliness, Chris Farley-style. Nothing more needs to be said.
OUR RATING— **

     Beverly Hills Chihuahua
2008  PG  COMEDY  1h 31min
CAST— Piper Perabo, Manolo Cardona, Jamie Lee Curtis
MUSIC— Heitor Pereira  DIRECTOR— Raja Gosnell

     Ai, Chihuahua. Another goofy family comedy (and a surprise hit) from Walt Disney Studios starring talking dogs and their doting masters. When a spoiled-little-rich-dog from Beverly Hills ends up dognapped in Mexico City it’s up to-ex police dog Delgado to go to her rescue. As they traverse the mean streets and back alleys of Mexico City they meet up with various denizens therein. The plan is to sneak across the border and haul tail back to Beverly Hills, returning this Cali dog to her natural habitat; but the dognappers are still on their trail, and they have a secret weapon on their side: El Diablo, a vicious Doberman with a bone to pick with Delgado. As silly as one would expect, though the kids are sure to lap this one up, tails wagging from start to finish. Featuring the voices of Drew Barrymore, Andy Garcia, George Lopez, and Cheech Marin.
OUR RATING— * ½
FOLLOWED BY— Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 (2011), Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3: Viva la Fiesta! (2012)

     Best in Show
2000  PG-13  COMEDY  1h 30min
CAST— Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara, Michael McKean, Parker Posey, Fred
Willard, Larry Miller, Bob Balaban, Jennifer Coolidge, John Michael Higgins, Michael Hitchcock, Jane Lynch, Patrick Cranshaw, Don Lake, Ed Begley, Jr., Jim Piddock
MUSIC— Jeffrey CJ Vanston  DIRECTOR— Christopher Guest

     An ensemble cast highlights this mostly improvised mockumentary. The annual Mayflower dog show is just around the corner. That means preparations are in order, for dog and master alike. While doggy must deal with primping and pampering, master must deal with the stress associated with the pageant. Not so much a spoof of dog shows but a realistic stab at the superficial narcissism that pageantry tends to inspire. Never consistently (or laugh-out-loud) funny, but worthy of a few chuckles.
OUR RATING— **

     Berserk!
1967  NR  SUSPENSE  1h 36min
CAST— Joan Crawford, Ty Hardin, Diana Dors, Michael Gough, Judy Geeson
MUSIC— John Scott  DIRECTOR— Jim O’Connolly

     Bizarre murders dampen the festivities at a traveling circus. Joan Crawford rules circus with an iron fist while suspicious young trapeze artist acts as suitor. Nothing special here. AKA Circus of Blood.
OUR RATING— * ½

     Bernie
2011  PG-13  COMEDY-DRAMA  1h 39min
CAST— Jack Black, Matthew McConaughey, Shirley MacLaine
MUSIC— Graham Reynolds  DIRECTOR— Richard Linklater  BASED ON— True events

     A remarkable film based on a remarkable true story. The setting: Carthage, Texas. The characters: the populace of said city. The story: assistant funeral director Bernhardt Tiede (or “Bernie” to his friends in Carthage) is the pride of the town. Sure, he’s a bit effeminate and yes, he works on dead bodies but he’s the sweetest guy ever. Just ask any of the widows in town. Especially grumpy old Marjorie Nugent. Despite her horrible attitude she’s attached to Bernie; likewise, he’s devoted to her. But when she becomes possessive and controlling it becomes harder and harder to be her friend. So Bernie kills her and stuffs her body in her freezer. True story. But when the truth finally comes out the community rallies behind Bernie, many saying that Mrs. Nugent deserved every bullet fired into her back. They love Bernie. As events unfold onscreen the audience hears testimony from Carthage residents touting their support and voicing their opinion of this incredible incident. A surprising portrait of a beloved murderer played to the hilt by a wonderful Jack Black, this black comedy is a testament to small town togetherness… no matter the circumstances.
OUR RATING— *** ½

     Beowulf
2007  PG-13  ANIMATED  1h 55min
CAST— Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, John Malkovich, Robin Wright Penn, Brendan Gleeson, Crispin Glover, Alison Lohman, Costas Mandylor
MUSIC— Alan Silvestri  DIRECTOR— Robert Zemeckis  BASED ON— Beowulf (poem), by anonymous

     If you remember your high school lit. classes you may have a vague recollection of the centuries-old poem of Beowulf and Grendel. Well, for those of us who never paid attention in school here’s a high tech film adaptation, full of action, adventure and effects. The story is quite simple: an Anglo-Saxon land is being plagued by the creature Grendel, a hideous monster which no man can kill. A brave warrior named Beowulf arrives to save the day, rid the land of the beast, and ascend to the throne. But little does he know what the future will bring for he and his people… Terrific animation brings the action to life with few complaints; the characters are fleshed out, portrayed with realism as opposed to relying upon caricatures, except for, ironically, the title hero. Betcha won’t forget the name “Beowulf” after watching this film. Unrated version also available.
OUR RATING— ** ½
ORIGINAL— Beowulf (1999), Beowulf & Grendel (2005)

     Beneath the Planet of the Apes
1970  G  SCIENCE FICTION  1h 35min
CAST— James Franciscus, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, Linda Harrison, Charlton Heston, Victor Buono, Thomas Gomez
MUSIC— Leonard Rosenman  DIRECTOR— Ted Post

     Okay, Bright Eyes, we know they blew it up. In this utterly ridonkulous sequel to the classic original we find Charlton Heston in much the same state as last time, damning his descendants at the base of the decrepit Statue of Liberty. Now off he vanishes into what the apes deem the Forbidden Zone. Another human (a pilot who was sent in search of Heston and crew) has crashed onto the planet as well and must wrap his head around the whole talking ape thing as he enters the Forbidden Zone with Heston’s mute squeeze. Inside the Zone our hero must face off against a deadly cult (worshipers or the still active doomsday bomb), find Heston and prevent the cult from wiping out the rest of the planet. Contains more action and violence than the first film but the novelty is clearly gone. Weak, Irwin Allen-ish effects add a cheesy layer to this episode of the Apes.
OUR RATING— * ½
PRECEDED BY— Planet of the Apes (1968)
FOLLOWED BY— Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971), Conquest of the Planet of the Apes (1972), Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)