Red Sonja

1985  PG-13  ACTION  1h 29min

CAST— Brigitte Nielsen, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sandahl Bergman, Paul Smith, Ernie Reyes, Jr., Roland Lacey, Pat Roach

MUSIC— Ennio Morricone  DIRECTOR— Richard Fleischer  BASED ON— Characters appearing in Red Sonja comics

     She started off as a heroine born of the Marvel Universe, then she flitted about from comic to comic, becoming as obscure as Howard the Duck, though never as infamous. This film finds a young red haired Sonja whose family was slaughtered by an evil queen. Sonja vows revenge, trains to be a warrior like none other and sets off after the queen, who now holds in her possession some kinda sacred talisman thingy. This thingy must be destroyed before the world is engulfed in destructive darkness. Or something. The film offers little more than the sound of clanging swords and acts of daring do. Word of advice: daring don’t. Razzie-winner for Worst New Star (Brigitte Nielsen).

OUR RATING— * ½

     Red River

1948  NR  WESTERN  2h 7min

CAST— John Wayne, Montgomery Clift, Walter Brennan, Joanne Dru, John Ireland, Noah Beery, Jr., Paul Fix, Coleen Gray, Harry Carey, Jr., Harry Carey, Sr., Chief Yowlachie, Hank Worden

MUSIC— Dimitri Tiomkin  DIRECTOR— Howard Hawks  BASED ON— Blazing Guns on the Chisholm Trail (story), by Borden Chase

     Another superior western starring the Duke; but not as the square-jawed do-gooder the audience is acquainted with. Here he plays a bitter loner on his way to Texas who takes in a wandering youth and teaches him how to raise beef. Years later (after the boy has grown into Montgomery Clift) the Civil War is over, the South is poor and Wayne is broke, with a myriad of cattle on his hands. He and Clift decide to round up every last one and tackle the most risky cattle drive ever attempted. No way will it be easy. They must conquer the elements, survive stampedes and contend with each other. Here’s where the real dynamic lies; Wayne and Clift, once a father/son duo of sorts, now turn against one another. As Wayne increasingly becomes the tyrannical slave driver for this little field trip, Clift begins to hear the voice of reason and see how desperate their situation truly is. Both of the stars are in fine form, as are the supporting cast, in this grand scale adventure. Deemed “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant” by the United States Library of Congress National Film Registry.

OUR RATING— ***

     Red Eye

2005  PG-13  HORROR  1h 25min

CAST— Rachel McAdams, Cillian Murphy, Brian Cox, Jayma Mays, Jack Scalia, Robert Pine

MUSIC— Marco Beltrami  DIRECTOR— Wes Craven

     Here director Wes Craven spawns a thriller devoid of razor-clawed specters or ghost-faced killers. This time the maniac could very well be the reserved stranger seated next to you. Rachel McAdams plays a harried hotel manager on her way home from a funeral who must deal with a bit more than turbulence on her return flight. Cillian Murphy is a seemingly harmless travelling companion… until he reveals his ultimate goal. He wants McAdams to arrange the death of a high ranking government official who has reservations for her hotel, otherwise Murphy and his cronies will kill McAdams’ father. Tough decisions are to be made if McAdams is to get out of this alive… but did Murphy underestimate McAdams’ determination in the face of danger? An entertaining, if somewhat slight and forgettable, foray into the not-so-friendly-skies. Doesn’t quite crash and burn, but then again it never actually takes off in the first place. That’s airplane humor.

OUR RATING— ** ½

     Red Dawn

2012  PG-13  ACTION  1h 33min

CAST— Chris Hemsworth, Josh Peck, Josh Hutcherson, Adrianne Palicki, Isabel Lucas, Connor Cruise, Jeffrey Dean Morgan

MUSIC— Ramin Djawadi  DIRECTOR— Dan Bradley

     A remake as silly as the original. Small town Washingtonians scurry about as Russian and North Korean forces descend upon their idyllic burg. The invaders begin a reign of terror, imposing prison-like conditions on the populace. But the baddies didn’t count on facing the Wolverines, a band of ticked off teenagers who’ve forsaken their footballs and pom poms for C4 and assault rifles. Chris Hemsworth stars as the leader of the group, a marine on furlough whose militaristic talents come in handy when the kids are desperate for some payback. He must train a motley assortment of teens, all of whom have a chip of some kind on their respective shoulders. If he can get past their raging hormones they just may bring the pain to the Communist conspirators. Never even comes close to being convincing, even with a viewer’s strong suspension of disbelief. With angst to spare this film (and its predecessor) winds up being a gun fanatic’s fantasy that scores for the home team. Wolverines!

OUR RATING— **

ORIGINAL— Red Dawn (1984)

     Red Dawn

1984  PG-13  ACTION  1h 54min

CAST— Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, Ben Johnson, Harry Dean Stanton, Ron O’Neal, Williams Smith, Powers Boothe

MUSIC— Basil Paledouris  DIRECTOR— John Milius

     World War III has begun. Communists have begun to invade the United States, starting with a bump-in-the-road Colorado town whose inhabitants include some pretty plucky high schoolers who decide to confront the red menace. This they do from their mountain hideaway, a place to reload, rejuvenate and go all philosophical. This is a WWIII message movie (not to mention a paranoia film) that often feels ripped from S. E. Hinton, as if the Greasers and the Socs were at it again, forsaking switchblades for things that go boom. The film tries to maintain a social conscience, depicting the futility of war and violence (despite plenty of violent scenes within). On the other hand the film tries to convince us that a bunch of kids could fend off a legion of Commies. Uneven to be sure but fans of the stars may not even notice. Go get ‘em, Wolverines. Note of interest: this is the first film to garner the spankin’ new PG-13 rating.

OUR RATING— **

REMADE AS— Red Dawn (2012)

     Red 2

2013  PG-13  ACTION  1h 56min

CAST— Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Mary-Louise Parker, Byung-hun Lee, Anthony Hopkins, Helen Mirren, Neal McDonough

MUSIC— Alan Silvestri  DIRECTOR— Dean Parisot  BASED ON— Characters appearing in DC Comics

     A terrific ensemble cast of AARP-worthy actors ignite the screen in this terrific sequel to the bland original. After the “death” of Frank Moses’ (Bruce Willis) insane best friend Marvin (John Malkovich), Moses realizes that his ideally realized life may not retain its banality. Government agencies are after those associated with a Cold War project code named Nightshade, with Moses, his wide-eyed girlfriend, and recently resurrected Marvin caught in the middle. They must travel the world, form alliances with friends, foes, and everyone in between, dodging bullets of all shapes, sizes and flavors, all to prevent international cataclysm. And to strengthen the relationship between Moses and his lady love, of course. The plot is one of those globe-trotting head-scratchers that would discombobulate 007, but the performances are hilariously first rate (especially the charming Mary-Louise Parker). Lock and load… but don’t forget the Geritol.

OUR RATING— ***

PRECEDED BY— Red (2010)

     The Recruit

2003  PG-13  ACTION  1h 55min

CAST— Al Pacino, Colin Farrell, Bridget Moynahan, Gabriel Macht, Karl Pruner, Eugene Lipinski

MUSIC— Klaus Badelt  DIRECTOR— Roger Donaldson

     Everything is a test… It’s spy vs. spy in this thriller with twists and turns aplenty. Colin Farrell plays a promising young grad who catches the eye of a CIA instructor on a recruiting mission. Farrell joins many young hopefuls who’ve been selected to join the CIA’s induction program. But who can be trusted in this fold of liars in training? Farrell becomes smitten with a thoroughly untrustworthy recruit who seems to have her own agenda. Al Pacino gives a noteworthy performance as the mysterious spook instructor with years of experience under his belt. Not on par with Bond or Bourne but worth a viewing for espionage freaks. …nothing is what it seems.

OUR RATING— ** ½